What to EXPECT when you're expecting an adoption HOME STUDY

Buckle up to get OUT of your comfort zone. All of them.

You will be asked to reveal everything from your childhood experiences to your current health habits, and from your driving record to your credit score.

agency or attorney?

Finding an agency is your first obstacle, you cannot complete a home study through an attorney. You CAN complete a home study through the county, but in my experience it can take a little longer to get started. I recommend reaching out to LOCAL individuals you know who have adopted and asking for referrals of reputable agencies. If you are lost on which avenue you want to adopt through, DEFINITELY set up a consultation or attend an orientation to get an in-depth breakdown of what they each consist of. Every avenue will have its own set of pro’s and con’s- so you need to have the opportunity for one direction to pull on your heart strings. You’ll know, it’ll be a gut feeling.

foster or private

Once you’ve decided on this, then you’ll want to get going on your homestudy. The reason you want to determine this first is if you do FOSTER or “Resource Family” adoption, then you will not need to pay for majority of your home study. It’s an estimated $1200-$3000 cost in the state of California (especially if you have a pool and need to get a fence around it.) If you choose private adoption- either international or domestic- you will have less requirements and the home study is a little simpler, but you will also pay for all of it. So there are trade-offs. Either way, follow that gut! We’ve done both and honestly - both are SO WORTH IT in the end.

errands + homework

I joke that completing a home study is the ultimate combination of errands + homework, but it really is. I just tend to laugh at things that overwhelm me, call it my best coping mechanism. The home study is boiled down to these two task sheets: things to do and things to fill out. I would say the quickest you can complete a home study is about 3 months: it depends on your agency and how often they host the required adoption classes. Our agency offered one a month and there were 3 required classes. There were a few different checkmarks for PRIVATE adoption required:

• reading/book reports

• “Dear Birthmother” letter to our potential child’s expectant parent- this was super emotional.

I have friends who have adopted internationally and they say to add 1/3 to this list with requirements from the Country you’re adopting from.

the to-do list:

• Complete Livescan Fingerprinting

• Get Health Screen (Physical) with TB Test

• Retrieve a signed Financial Release form from Bank

• Print a copy of your last tax return

• Have 3 friends each fill out a Referral form

• Print out your DMV report

• Get First Aid + CPR Certified

• Attain a Water Safety Card

• Prepare Home (ANOTHER LIST)

• Email Family Photo for your Homestudy Packet

• Attend 3 Training Classes

• Complete 3 home visits with social worker, which include lengthy interviews that get VERY personal

the homework:

• Adoption Application (3-5 pages)

• Autobiographies (3-5 pages each)

• SAFE Questions (3-5 pages each)

• Child Desired Worksheet (3-5 pages)

• Facility Sketch of Home Floor Plan

• Emergency Disaster Plan

• Out of State Criminal Record Disclosure

  get copies of the following:

• Marriage Certificate

• Divorce Decrees

• Death Certificate

• Military Discharge Papers

• Adoption Decrees of other Children

• Auto Insurance

• Home Owner or Renters Insurance

• Driver’s Licenses

• Animal Immunization Records

home check list:

Basically, have a safe home. All cleaning supplies/medicines need to be locked. If you have a second story you need to have an escape ladder. You need to have an earthquake/emergency kit, fire extinguisher, covered outlets, and your water heater turned down. If you have a pool you have to have a fence (NET is not acceptable in our counties) and door alarms. Your cars will also be checked and tested to insure they are safe.

interview / testing:

So, I wasn’t aware we were going to take tests and then our answers were going to be compared. This was mostly about our Childhood, Family, and lifestyle habits.

“How often do you drink alcohol a week? How often does your spouse?”

“Have you ever tried or been addicted to drugs? Has your spouse?”

“Have you ever been involved in domestic violence? Has your spouse?”

“Do you have any family members who have problems with alcohol?”

“Have you ever been fired from a job?”

These sorts of questions. You also will be asked to talk - in depth- about any traumas you’ve experienced, death in the family, work history, and criminal history. It’s pretty invasive, but I understand the need for this. They want to make sure you’re ready to deal with the trauma of the child who will be entering your home. If you can openly discuss your own trauma- then you are more likely going to be able to openly communicate your child through their traumas. Plus, they want to make sure you’re mentally prepared to handle raising a chid thats experienced trauma.

my best advice:

Take a trip to staples and get highlighters, paperclips, 3 folders.

Do not get overwhelmed, just take it one checkmark at a time.

Try to make EACH STEP as FUN as possible and DOCUMENT IT! THIS is your paper pregnancy. The adoption classes can become date nights and so can the certification classes. Josh and I went and got our fingerprints done and then went on a lunch date! The process is grueling & can take a toll on you if you don't spice up the process. We even had a little wine while we did our bio’s- it makes it a little more easy to dig deep into some of those psychoanalytical questions. We did the same thing when we had our friends over to do the referrals- which I highly recommending doing all together because that way you can leave with one whole checkmark done in YOUR hands. (Giving it to people to take home and mail back is like asking someone to send back a wedding RSVP on time LOL. Save yourself the stress, just have them do it at your house.)

CHILD DESIRED WORKSHEET:

This is a packet you can fill out from “absolutely” to “absolutely not” and “willing to discuss” : the categories include everything you can think of.

KNOWN ALLERGIES,

SLEEP PROBLEMS,

SKIN COLOR, ETC.

I wanted to address this specifically. I encourage you to be as “willing to discuss” as possible. I want you to trust that if God brought you to this chapter in your life- you need to leave as much to His Control as you can. I understand that this really is none of my business, but I speak from experience. Finley is one of the greatest things to happen to us. We adopted her as a newborn- so the “child desired” worksheet was more about Race + Religion of birth parents: which we had NO specifications about. We were open to any and all. (Go figure Finley ended up looking like she could biologically be ours- lol). I do not know that if we were given the option on that paperwork that we would have willingly said “Yep! Give us a child with Special Needs!” and I am just being honest. What I do know is- I cannot imagine our life without her and we are SO GRATEFUL to be her parents and raise a warrior. So, even if it scares you- be as open as possible. The more stipulations you have, the longer your wait will likely be.

celebrate

Starting a home study can be CHALLENGING and it should be celebrated! You are ONE STEP closer to completing you family. I highly recommend taking a picture and writing how you feel in that moment. We did this with our Adoption of Finley and the Twins. I can’t wait to read it to them one day when they can understand it. You’ll never regret having more pictures of the process, believe me. I also know that sharing about it can be hard, but it can also be the inspiration someone needs to pursue adoption. I’m a huge advocate of sharing, but I understand that there is often so much loss tied into the pursuit of adoption. Share as you feel comfortable. I believe with my whole heart that when you’re open about your experiences it can be 100% therapeutic. It also allows people the opportunity to grant you grace through a perspective they may not ever understand. Either way, I’m excited for you!! ADOPTION IS AMAZING and let me be the first to congratulate you on getting the process going- it will be one of the BEST + HARDEST things you’ve ever done- and SO WORTH IT.

All my love + gratitude,

Christina

What to EXPECT for your INTENSIVE THERAPY at NAPA (LA)

CME SESSION

I have NO IDEA why I waited so long to take Finley to NAPA Center. I think that I just figured all therapy was the same and that we were doing so much already, I assumed that all intensives were the same. People reach out to me every single day with “try this” and “try that” and at some point I just started thinking, “Nah- we are all good!” Matter of fact, my first day there one of the visiting therapists said to me, “I reached out to you a few years ago and told you that Finley would greatly benefit from this therapy,” I don’t remember every single email or message, but this one I remembered and I know I brushed her off. I feel so horrible about my ignorance, but you know what? You don’t know, what you don’t know. I brushed off the first friend that shared about SDR with me too. It’s all a learning experience, there’s no manual for raising a child with CP- but I am doing my best to offer resources from my experiences.

At Napa they do a few things that most places don’t.

CME is a dynamic technique used in physical and occupational therapy aimed at provoking improved postural responses in patients to promote progress toward developmental milestones.

The SpiderCage is a three-sided wire device that uses a belt and eight bungee cords to enable the child to perform balance and strengthening exercises with proper positioning and alignment. The SpiderCage assists the child in standing without a therapist’s assistance while allowing freedom of movement and facilitating balance.

The NeuroSuit frames the body providing support and resistance simultaneously. It facilitates proper movement and provides additional weight bearing distributed strategically throughout the body.

CAGE SESSION

People FLY from all over the WORLD for their INTENSIVE THERAPY PROGRAM. Now I know why. NAPA opens up the calendar once a year and thats why there is a long waiting list, I remember thinking: I’ll wait, but DON’T!! DON’T WAIT!!!!

They recommend intensives a few times a year. It was about $5k out of pocket since it was “out of network” for our Insurance. Our deductible is met now though, so we are planning another trip in December. I was wondering what the heck the people that go 3x a year do for a living, but then I realized It gets less expensive each time you go with the calendar year.

Where do I stay?

For those of you traveling from out of town, I recommend staying close by. It’s in a busy and confusing part of LA and unless you’re accustomed to madness, stay within walking distance across the street. I believe they have a rate and NAPA can guide you in the right direction.

What about my other kids?

There’s a parent room and a little school program located in the same building that you can enroll any siblings in, 3 weeks is a long time and you’re going to want to give you full attention to your kiddo thats receiving the therapies. So definitely ask about that!

What about food?

Instacart + Door dash might just be the greatest invention ever! You can have goodies delivered to the center so you never have to leave. There are also vending machines on site for water/snacks. Theres a full kitchen in the parent room with coffee on tap! LOL, that was my favorite!

What should I bring to session?

Wear comfy clothes, Water, Snacks, Phone Charger, Tissues, Wipes. I always brought Finley in her adaptive stroller so I could use that as a home base for all my stuff. I worked while I was there so I brought my lap top and a charger as well.

How can I mentally prepare?

Prepare to experience TONS of emotions. Nothing can prepare you for that. You are going to see your child struggle like they never have before, you’re also going to witness tons of kiddos around you that are all fighting different wars. It put a lot in perspective for me;

I look to my right and theres a child learning to jump over hurdles. I long for the day Finley is working on that skill.

I look to my left and there is a child who is non-verbal struggling to learn to sit up. Then it makes me feel awful for LONGING for more skills, when I should be so grateful for the skills she does have.

You are going to be all over the place.

Its long days- in a new setting- you’re not home and can’t distract yourself with home-tasks. It’s a lot, but its the BEST!

On the last day the emotions hit me like a ton of bricks! THAT I was not expecting! I was sobbing uncontrollably.

They will tell you one week is more difficult tha the others, but as I talk with more and more NAPA families, it’s different for everyone. So don’t think you’re out of the ‘emotional woods’ at any point. It’s coming but you need to let yourself feel it all. As your child is growing, so are you.

They will record videos for you and give you a home program to work at home. I AM NOW a HUGE NAPA advocate!! If you’re on the fence, get off of it and just do it! You won’t regret it.

(video coming soon)

Fifiandmo's Guide to Shoe Shopping for AFOs

Say hello to the adaptive life and goodbye to standard shoe rules…

This is a very LONG AWAITED blog on my part, but I’m excited to finally be finishing it. Finley has been wearing orthotics since she was 15 months old, and before that- shoes never really worked right because of her Spastic Diplegia. Translation: her toes were constantly pointed, making shoe wearing nearly impossible.

Up until then, the stretchy and malleable moccasins from Etsy, they slid-on and were a great option. (No specific brand.)

sizing

NOTE: YOU WILL BE FRUSTRATED WITH THIS, SO TRY YOUR BEST TO MAKE IT FUN.

The number one thing I hear is, “How do I know what size to get? Do I go a size up?”

I never understood this for myself, because once Finley got her AFO’s I never bought shoes to fit her bare feet. I would take her AFO while it was on, and have it sized for shoes. This was our norm.

YOUR NEW GOLDEN RULE:

• No buying shoes before trying them on. Unless you’re down to buy two pair online and then send one back.

The smaller the AFO the HARDER it is to find shoes that fit.

It is really hard to find shoes that are WIDE enough for AFO’s that are not a few inches too long. Finley had a wide foot to begin with, so we know the struggle. However, if your child is not predominantly weightbaring here are a few options I can provide you with.

The first shoes we got were moccasin boots by a brand called, Gracious May. They’re lightweight and while they didn’t provide much added support, they served as a slip over the braces. This was great, because Finley wasn’t very mobile on her feet, it was perfect to stay on through crawling while protecting her toes. Naturally the toes began to wear down-but we were happy with the quality of the boots. They were worth the price, because of their quality, convenience, and cuteness. I just put the AFO on her foot and measured the length, width, and circumference around the ankle and emailed it to them and they determined the size.

Ballet flats were another option for us. Again, because Finley didn’t spend a lot of time on her feet- we were able to get by with these flats from Target. My best advice is to take your kiddo with their socks and AFO’s on and plan a day to go to a few stores and see what brand fits.

Moccasins were also a type of shoe Finley wore. I loved how easy they were to get on and also how lightweight they were during the hot months. I recommend taking measurements of the foot with the AFO on and getting the length, width, and size around the base of the ankle while standing.

Finley pretty much rotated these different shoes up until she was about 4 years old and began bearing more weight in pre-school. She needed something sturdier to wear on the regular. Another trip to Target with determination on our side, we FOUND a pair in the boy’s section. There were a few that fit, however these had the best fit that weren’t 4 inches too long.

Uploaded by Smallwood Studios on 2019-10-06.

As Finley grew older, SHOES for AFOS became a THING. There are 3 brands that we’ve partnered with over the years and are VERY pleased with their QUALITY. TAP on a pair to link to INSTAGRAM.

I WILL REITERATE I RECOMMEND GOING AND TRYING SOME ON BEFORE BUYING. Nordstrom carries all three brands.

Finley has also worn a lot of rainboots in her day and I think they are so cute! My RAINBOOT HACK works better for aesthetic reasons, not literal water protection (we learned that the hard way).

Uploaded by Smallwood Studios on 2019-10-06.

NOW, if you know the AFO SHOE SIZE and you want to get to shopping, i’ve made an amazon shopping list with all of our favorites for your convenience!

MORE HACK TIPS:

1. remove the sole.

2. don’t be afraid to cut the shoe or remove the tongue.

ABILITY HACKER HAS SOME GREAT TIPS!

DO YOU HAVE SOME HACK TIPS THAT SHOULD BE LISTED HERE? POST THEM PUBLICLY ON INSTAGRAM AND USE THE HASHTAG #AFOSHOES !!!!!

Kybella!

Sooooo…. Kybella always scared me.

I almost did it once, but when I read the term “BULLFROG” to describe the healing process I was like, I just CAN’T do it!

I am a hairstylist and a mom, so every time I look in the mirror while working or see a picture of myself with my kiddo- my focus is drawn to my double chin. We’re all our own worst critics. Sad, but true.

I decided it was time to give it a shot! I went and saw my favorite place THE TREATMENT. Jacqui was the PA that administered my Kybella and she did a fabulous job at making me feel informed and comfortable. The staff in the office is always so professional and kind- the vibes you get when you walk in are very welcoming and I really appreciate that.

How it went down.

They numbed me first with a topical and then injected more numbing into my chin. I was completely numb when they put the dots on my face.

I don’t typically get anxious for treatments, so if needles make ya woozy- I think half a Xanax is totally called for.

Why so many dots?

So the goal is to inject a little bit of the Kybella into every fat pocket in the area. I guess it burns really bad, but I was completely numb- so I didn’t feel any of that. Half the time I didn’t even know the needle was in my face- Jacqui has GREAT hands is all I can say lol!!

so what is kybella actually?

The active component in Kybella is a manmade version of deoxycholic acid, which works similarly like the body's natural DA to dissolve and absorb fat cells. Once it's injected below the chin, you can see a visible decrease in the volume of fat. After the fat cells are eliminated, it does not re-form, so you can enjoy your new, slimmer neck and clear jawline.

so you got kybella and then what?

Well, I went home and iced my chin. I tried to not look in any extreme direction, I naturally just didn’t want to touch or mess with my Jaw/Neck. You will not want to look into the mirror, thats okay. LOL. With every step I took, I could feel my chin jiggle- and that was so weird that I had to make fun of it! I definitely recommend sleeping with an extra pillow under you to keep your head elevated.

life as a bullfrog

I would say my bullfrogness was really only BAD for the first 3 days. But, not bad enough that I wanted to lock myself inside. A little neck scarf and we were good to go! People were so confused why I was so swollen, but its because they are injecting fluid into your chin- the fluid takes time to absorb the fat. It’s not just swelling…. its actual fluid inside you.

okay lets see your before and after!

LEFT- BEFORE KYBELLA. | RIGHT- 7 WEEKS POST KYBELLA

I had the procedure done FEB 25. I had 2 VIALS injected into my face ($600 per vial) This side by side was created on APRIL 16. Just a week shy of the full expected healing time of TWO MONTHS. (I know, it seems like forever- but it actually went by fast!)

wanna see more of my healing process?

(( VIDEO COMING SOON ))

If your’e considering kybella i highly suggest a consulation with the treatment.